...and a bottle of rum, or something.
So I saw Pirates last night. Three hours of rolicking adventure on the high sea, sword fighting and licking of strange objects. Three hours.
It starts with a hanging. A half dosen pirates and associates at a time, while the fellow presiding over the affair reads rights that have been repealed. Thanks, Disney, for that lame sort political commentary, but it didn't jive with the rest of the film. And I realize that they are trying to set up the pirates as the protagonists. I do. But really, I don't care how many singing children they hang, I can't bring myself to feel sorry for pirates as a whole. All geeky refrences aside, a pirate is a person who steals money and goods from honest hardworking people. The government it working to stop them? Good! Stoping criminals is their friggin' job.
That being said I continued to sympathise with Swan and Turner as that main protagonists. The movie continued along the themes of betrayel, vengance and becoming that which you revile. Everyone has double-crossed everyone else by this point, and interaction is laced with mistrust. If only pirates were better at communication.
The film continues the tradition of gritty, filthy and vibrant tapestry of setting that we have come to expect of the franchise. It also follows in the earlier movie's footsteps of taking the previous film's antagonist and making him a sort of sympathetic character. That's right, Captain Cthulhu not only has a love intrest, but he has moved from big bad monster to a sort of oceanic Charon. Or maybe Naglfar. His beau is the spot-faced Tia Dalma also known as the (arguably powerful) goddess Calypso. She gets released from her human form and responds by growing to epic heights before creating a giant swirly to punish everyone involved.
Here's how I figure they got in a fight in the first place: D.J. is pissed because he knows Calypso cheated on him with Jack. He knows this because she gave him crabs which she in turn got from Sparrow. Think about it, really. Crabs were the main motif of the movie. That's why everyone's in such a bad mood: they're itchy.
All in all, I ejoyed the movie. All three hours of it.
Three friggin' hours.